


Trampoline

by The_Sun_and_Her_Flowers



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:39:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sun_and_Her_Flowers/pseuds/The_Sun_and_Her_Flowers
Summary: Sometimes, people need people





	Trampoline

“Mia?” Hanna’s voice startles Mia out of bed. It’s a heartbeat away from a sob, the last attempt at composure.

 

“Hanna?” She turns to the clock. It was 2 AM. The pounding in her head from before is still there, tugging at her eyes. She rubs at her eyes.

 

“It’s Jonas,” Hanna murmurs and it sends a shiver runs down Mia’s back. Suddenly, the world feels more vibrant, real, and brutal again.

 

“What happened?”

 

“He is at the hospital,” She can hear Hanna pull away from the phone, but it’s useless. Her sob is muffled, but it still feels like Hanna is standing right in front of her. By the time she can caught her breath, Mia’s already reaching for her shirt.

 

“Is anyone with him?”

 

“Matteo,” Hanna whimpered. Where the fuck are her socks?

 

“He-he called me, crying.”

 

“Where are you?” Mia bit her lower lip, waddling towards the pile by her door. Her room is mess.

 

“At home, alone.”

 

“Okay, I am coming over,”

 

“Mia, no…”

 

“You can’t be alone right now.”

 

“I know you are not feeling well, with everything with Kiki and Alexander. I just need…”  


Mia opens the door of her room. Linn and Hans are in the kitchen and they turn to see her. Their eyes go wide with surprise. She’s hasn’t been out in days.

 

“Mia, this is my fault.”

 

“Don’t say that.” Hans furrows his eyebrows. _‘Who’s that?’_

 

 _‘Hanna’_ she mouths.

 

“It is! Because he’s not okay!” she cries. “He hasn’t been okay in a long time and it’s because of me! I hurt him. I broke his heart.”

 

“Hanna,” she didn’t know what to say. She settled for action. “Do you want to go see him?”

 

“More than anything. But I can’t…”

 

She couldn’t do it alone.

 

“I’ll meet you at the station by your house. I am leaving now, okay.”

 

“Thank you, Mia.”

 

“I love you,” she had never said before but she wanted to.

 

Hanna chuckled and it warmed her for a moment, to imagine that brief moment of relief. “Love you too.”

 

She waves at Linn and Hans, the door slamming behind her.

 

* * *

 

Matteo hated hospitals. He never knew what to expect. There was tears, agony, misery, laughter, joy, all bottled up, everywhere he looked.

 

It made him want to empty himself out, so when it inevitable passed him, the chaos of it, it would have nothing to recognize and leave him be.

 

Misery knew misery and he was damn sure he didn’t want it knowing his.

 

He turned back down the left hallway, where he had seen them roll down Jonas. His mother and father were here, just at the cafeteria now. They had asked him if he wanted to tag along, wanted anything. They were nice like that, always asking him what they could do for him.

 

His phone buzzed and he pulled it out.

 

“ _What floor?”_

 

Hanna.

 

He had called her crying, out of his mind, after they were wheeling him out, after he had called 911.

 

Was it fucked up that he had called her before Jonas’s parents?

 

Maybe.

 

They loved him too.

 

But he couldn’t cry with them. Know they were just in as much pain as he was. Most of the time, it sucked being in love with Jonas, but not today. It soothed him knowing there was something who loved him just as much as he did.

 

 _‘Third floor.’_ he typed out and waited.

* * *

It’s morning, when Jonas wakes up. He is basked under the sun, his curtains left wide open. It’s the first indication that he is not in his room. He never leaves them open, not anymore.

 

It’s takes him a minute, but everything stop being fuzzy after a moment.

 

There is a moment of relief before it hits him.

 

The taste of bile, the pounding in his head.His muscles ache, every movement a wince.

 

Hanna in the corner, Mia and Matteo right next to her, watching him.

 

Her hair is down, she’s in all black. Her eyes are red, her skin blotchy. She looks like she hasn’t slept.

 

“What are you doing here?” he says, even when he has no idea where here is.

 

She shifts uncomfortably, unsure and he looks down. There is an IV in his hand, he’s been draped in hospital sheets.

 

Shit. Did he…?

 

“I came to see if you were okay.” she states.

 

“What do you care?”

 

She purses her lips, her eyes almost pleading.

 

“Jonas-”

 

“And don’t even say it’s because you care about me,” He knows he sounds cruel.

 

“I do care about you! Of course I do!” He can’t stand it, how cruel he wants to be.

 

“Funny way of showing it, don’t you think?

 

“You are not my boyfriend. I am not your girlfriend anymore! Okay?” She bites her lip, her hands fists by the side of her frame. She is trying to hold herself together.  “You never dictated what I could do when we were together and you sure as hell aren’t now-”

 

“I know exactly what I am in your life, Hanna.” And he knows she remembers.

 

“Jonas, it was never like that-”

 

“Just go.” He makes sure to not let his gaze waver. “I don’t want you here.”

 

She flinches and he wants to scream, howl, pull his hair, go insane with it. There’s tears in his eyes. There’s tears in hers.

 

They just stare at each other, with Jonas being the first one to turn away.

 

There is a soft cry, and there’s shuffling and he can Mia’s voice as Hanna walks through the door.

 

When would he stop hurting her?

 

Matteo doesn’t chase after them. He hovers by the door, his hair covering his face for a moment. Eventually, he turns towards Jonas.

 

He looks taller in his black hoodie. Older, somehow. He doesn’t think he has ever seen Matteo so quiet so still. He always groaning or mumbling, rolling his eyes.

 

There are bags under his eyes, his red shot eyes and it hits him a like a splash of cold water that Matteo was probably the one who found him.

 

“If you have something to say,” Jonas rumbles. “Just said it.”

 

Matteo walks to the door and he hovers over it, contemplating. In that moment, Jonas is sure he’s going to walk out. Go home.

 

Matteo reaches his hand out and the door slams closed. He’s in Jonas’s face before he can even blink, his tiny hands on his shoulders, shaking him.

 

“What the fuck is wrong you?” he shouts.

 

“Luigi,” he cries out.

 

“Don’t call me that.” His nails are pressing into Jonas’s skin. “How the fuck could you do this?”

 

“I wasn’t, I didn’t mean to-shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

 

“Then what was suppose to what happened?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know. Get knocked out enough to sleep it off the next day.”

 

He let out a laugh, but it’s wrong, it’s all wrong.

 

“You are so fucking stupid.” he hissed. His eyes are wild, grey.

 

“I just wanted to forget, okay?”

 

“Forget? Forget what? What the fuck you do want to forget? That Hanna dumped you? Is that it?”

 

Jonas’s jaw clicked.

 

He shoves at Matteo, the tears gathering again and he is tired. He wants to pull the covers, shut away the light and just be.

 

So he does. There is a silence for a moment and he thinks maybe this time, when he looks up again, Matteo will be gone.

 

But it’s Matteo and he pulls the covers away.

 

“I am not your parents. I am not Hanna, you can’t guilt trip me out of the room.”

 

“What the fuck you want from me?” Jonas demands. “I said I was sorry.”

 

“What do you think it’s going to happen if you keep acting like this?”

 

Jonas purses his lips.

 

“What about you, huh?”

 

“I am not doing the shit you and Carlos are doing. Shit, not even Carlos is doing the shit you are doing.”

 

“But you still do it sometimes. Because you want to forget too.”

 

Matteo rolled his eyes.

 

“What is it? Is it your mom?”

 

“I am not here for you to fucking interrogate me.” he growled.

 

“But you can try to psychoanalyze me?”

 

“I AM NOT THE ONE THAT ENDED IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL AFTER THEY PUMPED MY STOMACH OUT, DICKHEAD. You overdosed! Do you understand? You almost died.”

Matteo shoves his fingers his hair, almost yanking, trying to reel himself back.  Jonas doesn't think he has seen him so angry in so long. Not since he turned his dad down and watched him go. 

 

The silence around them grows more by the minute.

 

“Are you like this because of Hanna?”

 

Jonas doesn't know what to say. 

 

“No.” he murmured after a long moment. “I don’t know.

 

“She’s happy, man. Didn’t you want her to be happy?”

 

“Is it selfish that I wanted to be it with me?”

 

Matteo scratches at his nose. “Yeah, a little.”

 

“Everyday, I am reminded that I am the worst decision of her life.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Matteo rolls his eyes. 

 

“She said that, right before we broke up.”

 

“She didn’t mean that.”

 

“You weren’t there, you didn’t hear her.”

 

“Jonas, the way everything started between you two, it was kind of fucked up.”

 

“I know. It’s just... _I don’t regret it_. Any of it. And the fact that she does, it’s been fucking killing me."

 

He pulled at his hair and he could feel Matteo watch him, see his lower lip quiver.

 

He thinks of Hanna from before the breakup, when they were together. He can no longer see her smiling eyes, hear her laughter. All he can think about is how she would look from the distance, as he left, empty and detached because she had to be, her eyes always a little bloodshot.

He had hurt her. He had hurt her. 

 

“I am sorry, I am...” Jonas shakes his head, closing his eyes.

 

God, he was still hurting her. 

 

He let out a sob, ugly, loud, and messy. God, it hurts. God, it hurts.

 

He feels Matteo’s arms around him, warm and familiar, like the sun.

 

In his arms, he allows himself to forget. Even if just for a minute.

  
  
  
  



End file.
